Good Afternoon, Wonderful People
I want to take this opportunity to wish all of the fathers a very Happy Father’s Day. I’m not going to lie. For me, this day is tough. My father passed away when I was twelve. To be honest, I use to hate it. Having to ‘celebrate’ it without him was tough, especially when I would see other people’s fathers were still alive. What made it even harder is that my father’s birthday is June 13th, usually just days before Father’s Day. As time went on, I was able to turn my grief into joy. And today, I can take what was a sad day and still celebrate Father’s Day even though my own father is in Heaven.
Jay with his father
I know that many people who have lost their fathers will spend the day at the cemetery. For me, this is a big NO. I have done that in the past, and I felt more depressed and sad when I left. I refuse to go to a cemetery unless I am there for an actual funeral. For me, a cemetery does not bring me good feelings for my father. It just reminds me that he is gone and not with me in the physical world. And I am surrounded by the reminder that family members and other people are no longer with us. There is something about a tombstone that doesn’t bring me peace. So that is why I am not going to a cemetery unless it is to honor a family member or friend who recently passed.
When I am in a cemetery, it makes me focus on my father’s death. The last six weeks of his life were extremely hard for him. He lost his battle with lung cancer. I don’t want want to focus on that or how he struggled to live. I want to focus on his life and how he lived it. I want to focus on what he meant to me, my mother, my family, and the people he knew. Although he walked on this earth for only 54 years, he greatly impacted the people who knew him.
I want to remember him as the man who started a construction company with only an eighth-grade education. I want to remember the man who provided for this family, for his employees, and the partners even when he struggled through the tough times in business. Finally, I want to remember the man who told my mother that he wanted just one more child, which is why I am here today.
On Father’s Day, It is easy to think about the times that I lost out with him not being there. The first shave, my graduation ceremonies, my wedding, or the father-son talks that he missed out on. But I focus my mind on thinking about the good memories that I have of my daddy. I would spend time traveling to the construction sites; when he would give me a paycheck for helping him on the job or watching him build things in his woodworking shop. I had to train myself to focus on the good memories and to cast aside the bad memories. I had to work hard to focus on how he lived his life and not think about how his life ended. As the years went by, it became easier for my mind to stay focused on the good times. And now when I think about him, or his birthday or Father’s Day,
On this Father’s Day, I want to honor and thank my father. He is the reason I am here and why I am the man I am today. Even though his death has separated us in the natural for almost thirty-four years, I will always have him close in my heart.
Thank You, Daddy!
I Love You!
If your father is in Heaven, how do you remember him on this day?
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