Why I Use To Hate July 29th!

by eviehodge1549 | Jul 29, 2019 | From the Heart | 2 comments

Hello, Wonderful People,

Today is July 29th. I will be upfront with you. I use to hate this day. Whenever I heard it mentioned or saw it on the calendar, my heart would break and my mood would dampen. How could a single day have such an effect on me? Well, on this day, back in 1987 my father passed away when he lost his battle with lung cancer.

The only known photo of only me and my father together.

I was only twelve. I felt like my whole world had been broken and shattered. I didn’t know what it all meant and I didn’t know how to handle it. Only two months had passed from the time that my father found out that he had lung cancer to the day that he died. My family had to deal with the shock of the diagnosis, the trauma of him being in ICU and the agony of him being unable to breath on his own or talk with us. My summer started out thinking about making the baseball team and ended with learning how to restart my life without my father.

As the years passed, it didn’t get any easier. When the calendar would change to July, my thoughts would turn to my father. Memories would race through my mind. I would think about the times that he missed out and I didn’t have with him in my life: the first shave, the graduations, the father-son talks, the holidays. Depression and anger gripped my life and held a tight hold over me. I was angry at him that he had died. I was angry that cancer took him away from me. I was angry that I didn’t have my father to help me through the stages of life. The more angry that I got, the more depressed that I got. The anger and depression came to a breaking point eight years later when my oldest sister died from lymphoma.

The anger and depression further escalated, and I had no way of dealing with it. It was my final year of college and my life seemed to be out of control. I had stopped attending church because I felt like it had betrayed me after my father and sister died. I turned 21 and I began spending time in bars with my college acquaintances. I tried to dull my pain; but it didn’t seem to help.

I graduated from college and began my new life on my own. However, I still faced a difficult road ahead because I had no way to deal with the depression and the anger. But soon my life would begin to change when I met someone, while at work, who would help me take that first step on the road to recovery. We both had difficult circumstances in our childhood that we had to overcome. She had lost her mother a few years prior; and together we helped each other cope with the loss of a parent. All the while, she also encouraged me to re-examine my faith in God and it took me back to church. This was not the traditional denominational church that I was use from my childhood. It focused more on a relationship with God and His Son, Jesus Christ. It was in the relationship and the studying of what God tells us in His word that I began to see my life change.

I am no longer angry.  I am no longer living a state of depression and sadness. By studying what God’s word says, I learned that my father’s sickness was a part of the devil’s plan to steal, kill and destroy his life; and take away the good memories my father had created. My faith in God, His Son and His word has strengthened me and keeps me strong on days like today.

Now when July 29th approaches, my attitude is much different. The heartache and pain has given way to peace and joy. Peace in knowing that the disease may have destroyed his body; but it didn’t take away his spirit. I have joy knowing that he wanted me as his son and convinced my mother to have just ‘one more baby’!!  I focus on the good memories we shared and the positive influence he had on so many other people. Until this day, I have found no one who has a bad word to say about him.

It is worth noting here that the wonderful woman who started out with me as a colleague at work. But we soon became very close friends. And on September 11, 1999 she became my wife  and we are celebrating twenty years of marriage. Thank you, Lord Jesus for putting my baby in my life and helping me see that I didn’t have to live with depression and anger.